How are You

Let's call this an introduction to myself - this is my favorite poem to spit... I was thinking about what would happen if I randomly said "Hello" to a stranger and he asked how I was....and I decided to tell him EXACTLY what was going on with me at that time.

How are you?
I'm fine. And you?
I'm good.
Who cares?
Not you.
One word can't define how I'm doing
So I'll describe 'til I ruin your expectations of a short reply

I'm anxious.
Anxious to know what IT's gonna be
WHO it's gonna be
And am I gonna be happy with what IT is
And when is THAT gonna be?

I'm frustrated
Frustrated with "if"
Dying to move to the land of "is" and "is not"
Seems to be light years away, these days
My rocket's losing gas
Gushing out fast
Need to patch that up
Before I crash
Land on "Maybe".

I'm afraid.
Afraid of losing half of me
23 chromosomes that gave me these eyes
This tenacity
The sweetheart in me
Struggling constantly with inevitability
SHE holds my sanity
And when she can't
Who got me?

I'm sure you have to go by now
Thought I'd fake it again somehow but
I'm tired
Tired of plastering this smile
This veneer is losing it's luster
Can't muster up enough sheen
To slip to a better state of mind

But yeah I'm fine.
And you?
I'm good.
Who cares?
Not you.

"Can" took a vacation
Subletted to "Can't"
Therefore I
Can't brush it off, the bristles are worn
Can't snap out of it, my fingers are torn
On hope's jagged edge
See this is where I live right now
Looking over the hedge
Wondering if it's true
That over there's a brighter hue.

I'm slipping.
Slipping on the buttons of life's Etch-O-Sketch
Straight lines are supposed to be easy
Right?
Not without light.
Wait...
Almost got it
FUCK.
Hit another bump
Shook my whole shit up.

So I here I am at the line once again
Ready to dash out the blocks
Sneaks got stolen
I'm workin with socks
Holes in those
Squinting to see my lane
It's starting to rain
This could get tricky
Like Bambi's try at ice
Wasn't pretty.

But I'm trying.
Trying to find my niche in a life with occupied corners
The middle of the floor isn't fun
Without someone to dance with
To Love
Laugh
Live
LIFE.

So I'm living.
Never giving up
Just get's tough
To brave the cold
When I just told myself to shed some layers
Let the sun touch my Soul.

I need relief
If relief were fresh air, my window would be painted open FOREVER
No matter the weather.
Things must get better.
They always do
Patience is a virtue
Never been more true.

You picked the WRONG one today
Weren't prepared for what I had to say
And I'm fresh outta sugar
Got too heavy
Price became too hefty
"Fuck it" was on sale
Displayed right next to TMI
So I apologize if I'm wasting your time
Took the other pill for a change
So I wasn't able to comply
With the required script
I know you ain't diggin' this dose of the real me
Lemme slip on the cloak again
Make it easy
Go 'head.
Repeat.
I'm ready.
How are you?
I'm fine. And you?
I'm good.
Who cares?
Not you.