Is It Okay?

Is it okay that I…

With questions swirling, twirling new experiences in my mind
Like my favorite cream in my coffee
Warming my insides as you do
And calming my tides as only you can
I need to know...
Is it okay to be in love with you now?
The timing and things left undefined
Minding my needs as if you are more than what you are…
So far I'm loving my heartbeat's staccato
And songs that stick in my head describing you
And so much you give me by simply being you
Being true to your words and truer to your heart
So I wonder if I'm ahead of myself
Or mindfully ahead of what I already know will be
Will we feel this way ...forever?
Whether it’s the now or the here we may be in a year's time
I can no longer hide from what my insides are screaming to you.
It's wise to silence this in the midst of my touch and kiss
And hope you hear me out
Please read my sighs between the lines and cries to you that
I never and I mean never have been so affected...
Reflecting back on the past trips to Oz
I never knew where I was going and neither did they
They were missing crucial pieces that would have left me dead if I gave it.
A brain refraining from constant ridicule
A heart full of unconditional giving
The courage to say any of this
Yet you are filling my chalice to the brim
Making me marvel at how good Home feels
Sipping, simmering me down as emotions boil over
You receive them all.
Not questioning my mindplay bouncing around life's pinball machine
Hoping I have one more life left
To try again and actually win
To actually think I can have all that I put in

The joy output is immeasurable
Pleasurable sensations overtake my psyche
And this might be the best feeling I've ever...
Is this okay to say this now?
I'm done arm-wrestling this blissful revelation
Elation washes over any fears I have of jumping over the moon and shouting from the stars
That this constellation was written before we ever realized
Pieces of the sun shine in my eyes when I gaze at a rarity such as you
Your touch tickles fantasies
Plans that we could do this for more than a reason or a season
But to have all this in me now...
I'm scared.

The barriers make more than complete sense
But my heart doesn't listen and when you touch her core
She loses all logic.
Loses all grips on reality
Fingertips slipping off deliberate intention
Splashing into waves lacking any prevention of
Making premature moves.
Dare we float without an oar to shores of unlimited passion?
Crash into once barren islands of disappointment and build from there?
Bare our souls' fears and walk around naked without shame?
Share our tears into a cup filled with promise
Letting that quench our overflowing desire for each other.
Will you soothe the rough edges of my hesitance?
Erode uneven patches until we melt into each other seamlessly
I beg thee please stay with me on the edge of vulnerability
Hold my hand as I gaze over the cliff
Rifts and ripples of blue caressing the rocks
As I address these blocks in my mind
The water looks so lovely and welcoming
Like the fountain of youth erasing the bitter
Sweet nectar of truth delighting my taste buds
I feel renewed.

My fire red mood blends with your mellow yellow
We glow copper and watch our suns set in a view so breathtaking
you wish time would slow down to catch every hue.
We burst into rainbows
Bellowing joyous melodies blending into an unrehearsed harmony.
Even our hums sing notes we could boast reach octaves uncharted
Your bass clef hooks me into a groove so moving
Swaying me in rhythmic beats such that
I could dance on you all night
My only fright is...is this stance too soon?
The chance to swoon and fan myself comes often
Even in an empty room, your impression on me is jarring
For you to have a starring role in what I hold so close to me is…
I certainly don’t mind
I just find myself fighting my words
So contradictory to who I am
And I wish to save some things for the moment where we put a dead bolt on this lock and key that already fits so secure
Closing the door to any permeations
Invasions from others that envy even our beginning
My wheels are spinning at the infinite possibilities of us
But I trust the pace, the space we’ve placed between us and around us
Allowing our untouched meadows to be tended and tilled until…
I will continue to let them cultivate and grow
For now please allow all non-verbals to be the absolute truth

And if our paths bring us “here” one day
There will be a lot I need to tell you.