When Unlimited Seems Limiting

When Unlimited Seems Limiting


When unlimited seems limiting

When boundless seems binding

I’m finding myself in a pool of possibilities

Yet this one puddle of fear keeps me stuck

So many decisions I’m becoming indecisive

And the price is…Stagnant

Immobile

The mud and murky opaqueness of the unknown

Is blowing my mind

Showing me I need to Pray

I need to stay on my knees and plead for a yellow brick road

Rather a green light that says “Go beyond your dreams

Take a red eye and get on this early

Let the gray settle into black and white

And think about what would make your world pink again”

These sepia tones are muting my palette

I wish to be loud again

So I’m shouting above, Lord

Please order my steps

Place a border around my uncertainty

Build a fence over my hesitance

Restore the confidence I once had and let me run free

Let my wings release this anchor

These dank, dark corners of my questions beg of

Your light, Lord

If there ever was a time… I need you now.

Why Am I Chasing...

Why am I chasing something most are trying to get out of

Something people don't appreciate once they have it

Love-attracting habits turn into the ghost of Christmas past

This institution where you feel trapped

But you willingly vowed to commit

Until it all falls down

The moments that call for extreme patience

Persistence

A remembrance of the reasons you're there in the first place

Yet everyone says it changes with that proclamation

Man and Wife

You devoted your life to...?

Argue

Deceive

Omit

Leave the real you hidden until

The dead bolt has sealed your destiny

THEN it gets serious?

Was the carrot dangled

Then mangled in the blender along with

Who you used to be?

A lost identity

And this is what I want...



The green I glean regarding my freedom

The ability I have that no one depends on me

No suspending my goals or dreams for anyone

Rendering boundless aspirations where only I stand in my way

Yet...this is the marathon I train for

When many are dying to run away

I take practice runs

Jogs around a field of maybe

Stealing looks at the finish line

Of what exactly?

I Hope My Words Reach You

I Hope My Words Reach You


I hope my words reach you

Teach you a few things you didn't know

See, many think they have me figured out

By labels

By appearance

By highlights

But my writing, greater than any assumption

Is a window into my truth.

I hope when you look in

That you see all of me

Not just what looks good

But the ugly scars I've covered up from falling

My calling, I believe

Is for you to relate

For you to take in my reality

And realize we've all been "here"

That you're not alone

That the human experience is bound together by Love

Pain

And Suffering.

I'm not buffering you from my darkness

You're in

The only sin is if you don't lean IN

And ask a question or two

I'm opening the door for you...

So I'll let you drive where we go

Just know

I welcome your dialogue

No one needs to be left in a fog of wondering

Questioning

This is a beckoning for us

To get to know each other better

Hello.

He Stripped Me...

He Stripped Me

He stripped me

Emotionally naked

Vulnerable and exposed

He unclothed my insecurities

Made space for my flaws

And loved me for all of them

He bandaged my mistakes

And showed me his for me to tend to

We traded war stories and marveled

At how far we'd come



For once, emotionally naked felt freeing

I danced around in my new skin

Revealing shortcomings openly

Knowing they'd be received non-judgmentally

Lovingly and without conditions

This position felt....right

Previously I held tight to my ugly side

Doubting anyone would be able to

Accept my dark and light

Yet he met me in the rain

And told me the sun was just ahead

If we walk a little more



What a love I knew

What joy I felt

I melted at simplicities

I breathed in appreciation

And with each breath I sighed

Gratitude.

Dear Beloved.

Dear Beloved

Dear Beloved, I see you

I see all of you

I see your muffled cries of unhappiness

Your constant efforts to hold broken pieces together

The cuts bleeding you straight to your core

How much do you have left?

Transfusing loyalty for living

Giving parts you don't even have

For what?

Fears keeps you buried in irrational thinking

Tears stain the song and dance you continue to tap

Until...

Until...

You're tapped out.



But I see you

I see all of you

My heart yearns for you to take the shades off

Show your bruises to the world

Let the sun of understanding shine

Upon the dark schema that

You don't deserve more

That you've reaching a ceiling keeping you

In this realm

You have no idea of your potential



But I see you

I see all of you

I want to give you a shovel

A crane

A bulldozer

Move this mountain of shame and doubt

Push with all your might

Fight for yourself as hard as you fight YourSelf

You too, are worth it!

If the mountain is too heavy Beloved

Move around it

Surround it with your bravery

Create your peace within

Build a dam over your waves of sorrow

For tomorrow's a new day to stand

And trust, I know

I see you

I see all of you

I am you and outside of you

Next to you

Walking with you

Together we can be


What God has intended.

I am Looking Forward

I am looking forward

I am looking forward to something to look forward to

Searching for the next door

That leads to more than dead ends

Mending these stitches in time

Trying to patch together the holes that

Life has dealt me

I am looking forward to smiling

Not just at past memories

Not the fake, teeth-showing

Lifeless eyes knowing the truth

But a full, bright grin that reflects

The color of my soul



I am looking forward to comfort within this space

Through this storm

For the clouds to break apart

And show my heart the reasons

For this season.

For night to fall

Where I don't call out for solace


I am looking forward to peace.

Meet Me In My Dreams

Meet me in my dreams, Love
Let us join hands as always
And walk in your Heaven
Show me around your life's work
To the place you graduated
Where you reaped the rewards you so longed for
And we're all trying to get to.
Let us escape into a realm where reality is a cloud, far far away
All I want is US
In a still moment where our seamless harmony made butterflies dance
Where our whispers spoke volumes to each other's desires
I miss...this.

Meet me in my dreams, Love
Allow our reunion to comfort my soul
For my heart to be whole yet again
Even if it's mere mindplay
I need a brief fallacy to soothe my dark nights
For you knighted me with the gift of holding your heart
And I did so, willingly and without complaint
Life was light and so were my steps through our path
And now as I walk alone
I yearn for your warmth by my side.

Meet me in my dreams, Love
I need your hand once more to stroke my hair
Comb over my brokenness
Smooth my edges of sadness
Remove the strands of doubt that I'll never be cherished like this again
Help me see clearly through this cold season
And continue to look upward and onward as you did.
Your touch healed mountains of mishaps
Your words calmed seas of unease
With minimal yet powerful words:
I'm here.
And you still are
I hear you tell me to breathe when I'm stressed
I hear you say "ignore foolishness" when there's nonsensical unrest
I see your joy when snowflakes hit the ground
I feel you swaying me with your favorite gospel sounds
You are here!
I know this
Yet my tears fall into a boundless pool of unfulfilled destiny
Streams of my sorrow track the face you deemed "beautiful with HD eyes"
So, realize I catch myself looking for you, Love.



My slumber throws a nightly plea
A begging that we can meet, repeat and add on
To a story written so beautifully and effortlessly
But sometimes a pen loses ink
Leaving one to think "how could it have ended"
However I cherish our commas and spaces no one sees between our parentheses
And for those I thank you, Love
So for this night, and many
Please steal me away
Refresh me with your presence
That made my heart beam
And meet me in my dreams.