God Sends Me Flowers

He told me “God sends me flowers and you are one of them”

I didn’t know if that made me a gardenia, hydrangea or a hyacinth

But I knew I only wanted to be a help…

A joy in tumultuous period with an unknown end

I wanted to live up to the beauty a flower possesses

Delicate to the touch

Standing strong in the sun and even the rain

I wanted to be tender and sway with wherever the wind took us

I prayed for the shady days to not overshadow my brightness

For no slights in the weather to alter our climate of peace

I gave encouragement likened to the faith of a mustard seed

Breeding disbelief that my small frame could shoulder the boulders of unexpected tomorrows

Even sorrow couldn’t shake my rooting in God that it’d be alright

That he’d be alright

I stood strong in the unforced fields of discovery

We frolicked in possibility knowing only He had the final answer

Beyond mishaps and shortcomings of man

In spite of fear that sunrise would arrive without him

He held strong to his flower

Powerful hands never loosened their grip on hope and the power of prayer

Layers of doubt washed off with each morning his eyes met another day

And another day

I’d prune off weeds of sadness before I’d attempt to be what he saw in me

Making sure my petals were in full bloom

No tears when Heaven is much better than here

No uncertainty when he had such surety in salvation

As I look back, I can only hope I was even a fraction of the joy and beauty flowers convey

But just in case I was not

On his last birthday, I sent a bouquet….

Runaway Slave

My dream life is pretty active

Subtractive of true consciousness, my hopes and aspirations

Freely play epic adventures on my eyelids

Ventures into the unknown but in the home of my deepest heart thoughts

I see what would happen if I never took a first step

If I never soared into the upper echelon of my potential…

Apparently I’d be a slave says my latest mindplay.

Shackled down into an abyss of mediocrity

Bound to a sure ending

Preventing any movement beyond consuming scraps to fulfill an undying hunger to be fed by what I truly deserve

I’d be underserved and forever overachieving in a circle with my square-minded ideas

I would never fit.

Fear would strike further fear with each lash

Cracking obedience and submission into a person they wish to submerge

39 blows attempting to bleed me out

Blind to my unseen Lifesaver who remains above and around me

Omnipresent hope floating me along until I decide to swim upstream

This dream told me to Fight.

That confinement doesn’t combine with my passion to live beyond and in spite of…

Beyond mistakes

In spite of shortcomings

Beyond rejection

In spite of overthinking

Beyond continual beatings

In spite of repeating self-defeating phrases that it’s too hard

Beyond myself

In spite of MySelf.



I watched a fellow escapee jump to his death

And I’m wondering if this is the half of me subliminally that wants to give up

To surrender all efforts towards a seemingly unreachable freedom.

I considered ending the road I wasn’t done paving

Then bravely looked down at what could be

And mustered up enough resilience to do what should be

I took this journey alone with hesitance at my back

Resistance in the wind

And suspense in every corner as I hid and slid past my captors

Trappers ready with their nets investing in my stagnant future if I were ever caught.

I sought the sun to illuminate my lonely mood

As I pursued more and more, praying this trek would yield a harvest I’ve sewn seeds in long before I knew the purpose

A deluge of trouble rushed down rapids

Swelling vaster by the minute, aptly resembling my self-doubt

I swam against waves created to break my spirit

While a voice above continued to bellow to me “You were made for more”

With this encouragement nourishing my thirst

I burst through a new realm of understanding who I am

What I am to do with this freedom

A world of roads, forks, paths and traps lie ahead of me yet

I feel there is a beat always ordering my march

A tempo that won’t let me slow down

My Creator knew what I’d be doing before the brewings of my imagination surfaced

So the freedom is in the discovery of who I’ve been this whole time

And just didn’t know.

These shackles have been shades over a life meant to be brighter

My dark thoughts colored my hope into an opaque vision that I was stuck

Not trusting the doorknob just inches outside of my reach

The power is Mine!

The Holy Spirit remains a divine presence I don’t often tap into

And that…is an enslaved life.

A lack of knowledge to the Light I have been given if I simply reach UP and receive.

Cleave to the power that’s been within me and will be for the eternity of my existence

He is guiding me

Restoring me

Imploring me to continue to move Upward and Onward

These steps get hard but they ARE for me

Breaking down my pride with each stride into the unknown

Oh, I know I’m being carried

Lifted when my legs beg for solace, rest, just a Break Lord

But He knows I can handle it

Philippians 4:13 seems to whisper to me when I feel I’ve lost my voice

When my chords are singed from my burning cries out into the night

He hears me…

He steers me when my hands shield my eyes from what’s coming next.

What would I do if I’d been through nothing at all?

If I didn’t haul my troubles to the alter call and release them

My appreciation of blessings would be diminished

Finishing off entitlement with a seal of ignorance that I’m immune to pain

So, He sandpapered me to my core

Forcing me to examine the vermin determined to keep me from growing

Eating me alive with each doubt and worry I didn’t hand to Him

The scraps made me savor the flavor of wonderful Grace

My cold nakedness made me bask in the warmth of His Mercy

The fear of being lynched kept me on my toes with Him holding me up

Pushing me to break beyond my sight, even through tears

All of these trials were necessary for me to claim victory

And oh, how joyous it is to finally escape into His arms.

Meet Me In My Dreams

Meet me in my dreams, Love
Let us join hands as always
And walk in your Heaven
Show me around your life's work
To the place you graduated
Where you reaped the rewards you so longed for
And we're all trying to get to.
Let us escape into a realm where reality is a cloud, far far away
All I want is US
In a still moment where our seamless harmony made butterflies dance
Where our whispers spoke volumes to each other's desires
I miss...this.

Meet me in my dreams, Love
Allow our reunion to comfort my soul
For my heart to be whole yet again
Even if it's mere mindplay
I need a brief fallacy to soothe my dark nights
For you knighted me with the gift of holding your heart
And I did so, willingly and without complaint
Life was light and so were my steps through our path
And now as I walk alone
I yearn for your warmth by my side.

Meet me in my dreams, Love
I need your hand once more to stroke my hair
Comb over my brokenness
Smooth my edges of sadness
Remove the strands of doubt that I'll never be cherished like this again
Help me see clearly through this cold season
And continue to look upward and onward as you did.
Your touch healed mountains of mishaps
Your words calmed seas of unease
With minimal yet powerful words:
I'm here.
And you still are
I hear you tell me to breathe when I'm stressed
I hear you say "ignore foolishness" when there's nonsensical unrest
I see your joy when snowflakes hit the ground
I feel you swaying me with your favorite gospel sounds
You are here!
I know this
Yet my tears fall into a boundless pool of unfulfilled destiny
Streams of my sorrow track the face you deemed "beautiful with HD eyes"
So, realize I catch myself looking for you, Love.



My slumber throws a nightly plea
A begging that we can meet, repeat and add on
To a story written so beautifully and effortlessly
But sometimes a pen loses ink
Leaving one to think "how could it have ended"
However I cherish our commas and spaces no one sees between our parentheses
And for those I thank you, Love
So for this night, and many
Please steal me away
Refresh me with your presence
That made my heart beam
And meet me in my dreams.

Time

Time, I need to talk to you

If you’d please grant me your wares

I know they are priceless

Yet if you could offer me credit

I’d take anything you offer

for more moments with him.

Time, how frugal you were with us

I thought we had more pieces of you banked

Into our accounts of dreams and future goals

We were so sure we budgeted enough to insure us for a lifetime

But you had a different plan

Rendering us bankrupt before we played our full game.

Oh, time how cruel you can be

I know we borrowed, robbed and try to cheat our way to get more of you

But it was all for Love.

So, it was fair. Right?

For love, we put in all our chips

Rested on faith

Leaned on the Lord

Prayed for more of you to enter our lives

To, bless us with the manifestation of aspirations discussed

To create a blending of the best parts of us

More boundless bliss

But our fingertips lost our grip on you

We tried everything to hold onto you

And you, Time, you fled us in the night

Blindsighted by your trickery

I was knocked senseless into the reality

That you were indeed not on my side.

Time…you fickle spinster of joy and pain

What more could I have done?

I was loyal to you and cherished you to the fullest

I packed much purpose into the gift you gave me with him

And you played with me.

Dangled the carrot and I bit down so hard and fast

That we were speechless with happiness

Now, Time, I know I gripped you by the reins

And begged you to grant me things you could not

For you knew the answers and held them close to your heart

So I know I’m asking for an oasis in the desert of my mind

That yearns for his love to keep refreshing me

But please allow my irrational plea

And wish that I had more of you

For Us.

Roses

At times, people in relationships get complacent and feel like efforts 'after the fact' will work. Sometimes they do, but other times they do not, due to the pain endured during their time together. There is a fear of returning and being vulnerable to that person in a way where they could potentially be hurt again. In reading this, my hope is that you remember how fragile love is...just as fragile as life is. 

This is dead and now I get roses

I suppose if this were my homegoing I'd receive a glowing bouquet from you as well

But this has gone to hell... And I get roses

Smelling as bittersweet as the oxymoron it is

I love the red and pink hues and dislike you in the same line

But that's how we always worked, isn't it?

Now that I've welcomed Genesis you have a Revelation that I was your whole world

But Now that it has ended, I get roses?

In a clear vase as breakable as the house you threw your stones from

Pieces get scattered when they've been shattered to dust

Quicksand can't be picked up by any broom bare of bristles

But my hands come together for you

Snaps and claps resounding from my fingertips as I pluck petals

Fretting the answer to "he loves me", "he loves me not"

I know what it is but this... Is too late

The season has passed for these flowers to flourish

My grounds are hibernating, healing for new seeds

So these...Will last maybe a week.

Just enough time for me to have a brief weak moment

For my heart strings to ring a familiar tune

For me to remember the room you kept in my soul

Before I cleaned shop and stopped being for Sale

So this... Is temporary.

As infrequent as the "I love you"s

As barren as the emotional expression unless it was the fury

Any jury would say you are guilty of tap dancing when the curtains have closed so

I hear you... I just can't see you

Just as I can no longer see you as my future

The sutures to my heart barely had any stitches left to

Have and hold the love of another so I left in just enough time

Before I was completely devoid of any growth

Frozen like the tundra in Siberia

Theories have contended I like the sun much better

The beams refresh my dreams of brighter tomorrows forevermore

So this may be slightly impressive

Yet not progressive to the path I've chosen

I've freshly rewoven my reward pathways so I’m not weirdly addicted to pain

Acclimated to disappointment

Surprised by joy

Imagine that...

The web was so tangled it that right angles looked round

That silence was the best sound I ever heard

So I will dance to my heart beating lighter

Let new butterflies tickle the corner of my mouth

I shall look at these roses as a moment in time

A reminder that everything is great in its prime

Yet will die if not nurtured and cherished…

If not treated as richly as their first bloom

Even when the pinks and reds fade

So this…has had its run but I’m ready to let go

Throwing the last flower 6 feet below

As this phase of my life descends to peacefully rest

With this rose, I bid thee Adieu.