He Stripped Me...

He Stripped Me

He stripped me

Emotionally naked

Vulnerable and exposed

He unclothed my insecurities

Made space for my flaws

And loved me for all of them

He bandaged my mistakes

And showed me his for me to tend to

We traded war stories and marveled

At how far we'd come



For once, emotionally naked felt freeing

I danced around in my new skin

Revealing shortcomings openly

Knowing they'd be received non-judgmentally

Lovingly and without conditions

This position felt....right

Previously I held tight to my ugly side

Doubting anyone would be able to

Accept my dark and light

Yet he met me in the rain

And told me the sun was just ahead

If we walk a little more



What a love I knew

What joy I felt

I melted at simplicities

I breathed in appreciation

And with each breath I sighed

Gratitude.

Dear Beloved.

Dear Beloved

Dear Beloved, I see you

I see all of you

I see your muffled cries of unhappiness

Your constant efforts to hold broken pieces together

The cuts bleeding you straight to your core

How much do you have left?

Transfusing loyalty for living

Giving parts you don't even have

For what?

Fears keeps you buried in irrational thinking

Tears stain the song and dance you continue to tap

Until...

Until...

You're tapped out.



But I see you

I see all of you

My heart yearns for you to take the shades off

Show your bruises to the world

Let the sun of understanding shine

Upon the dark schema that

You don't deserve more

That you've reaching a ceiling keeping you

In this realm

You have no idea of your potential



But I see you

I see all of you

I want to give you a shovel

A crane

A bulldozer

Move this mountain of shame and doubt

Push with all your might

Fight for yourself as hard as you fight YourSelf

You too, are worth it!

If the mountain is too heavy Beloved

Move around it

Surround it with your bravery

Create your peace within

Build a dam over your waves of sorrow

For tomorrow's a new day to stand

And trust, I know

I see you

I see all of you

I am you and outside of you

Next to you

Walking with you

Together we can be


What God has intended.

Meet Me In My Dreams

Meet me in my dreams, Love
Let us join hands as always
And walk in your Heaven
Show me around your life's work
To the place you graduated
Where you reaped the rewards you so longed for
And we're all trying to get to.
Let us escape into a realm where reality is a cloud, far far away
All I want is US
In a still moment where our seamless harmony made butterflies dance
Where our whispers spoke volumes to each other's desires
I miss...this.

Meet me in my dreams, Love
Allow our reunion to comfort my soul
For my heart to be whole yet again
Even if it's mere mindplay
I need a brief fallacy to soothe my dark nights
For you knighted me with the gift of holding your heart
And I did so, willingly and without complaint
Life was light and so were my steps through our path
And now as I walk alone
I yearn for your warmth by my side.

Meet me in my dreams, Love
I need your hand once more to stroke my hair
Comb over my brokenness
Smooth my edges of sadness
Remove the strands of doubt that I'll never be cherished like this again
Help me see clearly through this cold season
And continue to look upward and onward as you did.
Your touch healed mountains of mishaps
Your words calmed seas of unease
With minimal yet powerful words:
I'm here.
And you still are
I hear you tell me to breathe when I'm stressed
I hear you say "ignore foolishness" when there's nonsensical unrest
I see your joy when snowflakes hit the ground
I feel you swaying me with your favorite gospel sounds
You are here!
I know this
Yet my tears fall into a boundless pool of unfulfilled destiny
Streams of my sorrow track the face you deemed "beautiful with HD eyes"
So, realize I catch myself looking for you, Love.



My slumber throws a nightly plea
A begging that we can meet, repeat and add on
To a story written so beautifully and effortlessly
But sometimes a pen loses ink
Leaving one to think "how could it have ended"
However I cherish our commas and spaces no one sees between our parentheses
And for those I thank you, Love
So for this night, and many
Please steal me away
Refresh me with your presence
That made my heart beam
And meet me in my dreams.

Time

Time, I need to talk to you

If you’d please grant me your wares

I know they are priceless

Yet if you could offer me credit

I’d take anything you offer

for more moments with him.

Time, how frugal you were with us

I thought we had more pieces of you banked

Into our accounts of dreams and future goals

We were so sure we budgeted enough to insure us for a lifetime

But you had a different plan

Rendering us bankrupt before we played our full game.

Oh, time how cruel you can be

I know we borrowed, robbed and try to cheat our way to get more of you

But it was all for Love.

So, it was fair. Right?

For love, we put in all our chips

Rested on faith

Leaned on the Lord

Prayed for more of you to enter our lives

To, bless us with the manifestation of aspirations discussed

To create a blending of the best parts of us

More boundless bliss

But our fingertips lost our grip on you

We tried everything to hold onto you

And you, Time, you fled us in the night

Blindsighted by your trickery

I was knocked senseless into the reality

That you were indeed not on my side.

Time…you fickle spinster of joy and pain

What more could I have done?

I was loyal to you and cherished you to the fullest

I packed much purpose into the gift you gave me with him

And you played with me.

Dangled the carrot and I bit down so hard and fast

That we were speechless with happiness

Now, Time, I know I gripped you by the reins

And begged you to grant me things you could not

For you knew the answers and held them close to your heart

So I know I’m asking for an oasis in the desert of my mind

That yearns for his love to keep refreshing me

But please allow my irrational plea

And wish that I had more of you

For Us.

Is It Okay?

Is it okay that I…

With questions swirling, twirling new experiences in my mind
Like my favorite cream in my coffee
Warming my insides as you do
And calming my tides as only you can
I need to know...
Is it okay to be in love with you now?
The timing and things left undefined
Minding my needs as if you are more than what you are…
So far I'm loving my heartbeat's staccato
And songs that stick in my head describing you
And so much you give me by simply being you
Being true to your words and truer to your heart
So I wonder if I'm ahead of myself
Or mindfully ahead of what I already know will be
Will we feel this way ...forever?
Whether it’s the now or the here we may be in a year's time
I can no longer hide from what my insides are screaming to you.
It's wise to silence this in the midst of my touch and kiss
And hope you hear me out
Please read my sighs between the lines and cries to you that
I never and I mean never have been so affected...
Reflecting back on the past trips to Oz
I never knew where I was going and neither did they
They were missing crucial pieces that would have left me dead if I gave it.
A brain refraining from constant ridicule
A heart full of unconditional giving
The courage to say any of this
Yet you are filling my chalice to the brim
Making me marvel at how good Home feels
Sipping, simmering me down as emotions boil over
You receive them all.
Not questioning my mindplay bouncing around life's pinball machine
Hoping I have one more life left
To try again and actually win
To actually think I can have all that I put in

The joy output is immeasurable
Pleasurable sensations overtake my psyche
And this might be the best feeling I've ever...
Is this okay to say this now?
I'm done arm-wrestling this blissful revelation
Elation washes over any fears I have of jumping over the moon and shouting from the stars
That this constellation was written before we ever realized
Pieces of the sun shine in my eyes when I gaze at a rarity such as you
Your touch tickles fantasies
Plans that we could do this for more than a reason or a season
But to have all this in me now...
I'm scared.

The barriers make more than complete sense
But my heart doesn't listen and when you touch her core
She loses all logic.
Loses all grips on reality
Fingertips slipping off deliberate intention
Splashing into waves lacking any prevention of
Making premature moves.
Dare we float without an oar to shores of unlimited passion?
Crash into once barren islands of disappointment and build from there?
Bare our souls' fears and walk around naked without shame?
Share our tears into a cup filled with promise
Letting that quench our overflowing desire for each other.
Will you soothe the rough edges of my hesitance?
Erode uneven patches until we melt into each other seamlessly
I beg thee please stay with me on the edge of vulnerability
Hold my hand as I gaze over the cliff
Rifts and ripples of blue caressing the rocks
As I address these blocks in my mind
The water looks so lovely and welcoming
Like the fountain of youth erasing the bitter
Sweet nectar of truth delighting my taste buds
I feel renewed.

My fire red mood blends with your mellow yellow
We glow copper and watch our suns set in a view so breathtaking
you wish time would slow down to catch every hue.
We burst into rainbows
Bellowing joyous melodies blending into an unrehearsed harmony.
Even our hums sing notes we could boast reach octaves uncharted
Your bass clef hooks me into a groove so moving
Swaying me in rhythmic beats such that
I could dance on you all night
My only fright is...is this stance too soon?
The chance to swoon and fan myself comes often
Even in an empty room, your impression on me is jarring
For you to have a starring role in what I hold so close to me is…
I certainly don’t mind
I just find myself fighting my words
So contradictory to who I am
And I wish to save some things for the moment where we put a dead bolt on this lock and key that already fits so secure
Closing the door to any permeations
Invasions from others that envy even our beginning
My wheels are spinning at the infinite possibilities of us
But I trust the pace, the space we’ve placed between us and around us
Allowing our untouched meadows to be tended and tilled until…
I will continue to let them cultivate and grow
For now please allow all non-verbals to be the absolute truth

And if our paths bring us “here” one day
There will be a lot I need to tell you.

Roses

At times, people in relationships get complacent and feel like efforts 'after the fact' will work. Sometimes they do, but other times they do not, due to the pain endured during their time together. There is a fear of returning and being vulnerable to that person in a way where they could potentially be hurt again. In reading this, my hope is that you remember how fragile love is...just as fragile as life is. 

This is dead and now I get roses

I suppose if this were my homegoing I'd receive a glowing bouquet from you as well

But this has gone to hell... And I get roses

Smelling as bittersweet as the oxymoron it is

I love the red and pink hues and dislike you in the same line

But that's how we always worked, isn't it?

Now that I've welcomed Genesis you have a Revelation that I was your whole world

But Now that it has ended, I get roses?

In a clear vase as breakable as the house you threw your stones from

Pieces get scattered when they've been shattered to dust

Quicksand can't be picked up by any broom bare of bristles

But my hands come together for you

Snaps and claps resounding from my fingertips as I pluck petals

Fretting the answer to "he loves me", "he loves me not"

I know what it is but this... Is too late

The season has passed for these flowers to flourish

My grounds are hibernating, healing for new seeds

So these...Will last maybe a week.

Just enough time for me to have a brief weak moment

For my heart strings to ring a familiar tune

For me to remember the room you kept in my soul

Before I cleaned shop and stopped being for Sale

So this... Is temporary.

As infrequent as the "I love you"s

As barren as the emotional expression unless it was the fury

Any jury would say you are guilty of tap dancing when the curtains have closed so

I hear you... I just can't see you

Just as I can no longer see you as my future

The sutures to my heart barely had any stitches left to

Have and hold the love of another so I left in just enough time

Before I was completely devoid of any growth

Frozen like the tundra in Siberia

Theories have contended I like the sun much better

The beams refresh my dreams of brighter tomorrows forevermore

So this may be slightly impressive

Yet not progressive to the path I've chosen

I've freshly rewoven my reward pathways so I’m not weirdly addicted to pain

Acclimated to disappointment

Surprised by joy

Imagine that...

The web was so tangled it that right angles looked round

That silence was the best sound I ever heard

So I will dance to my heart beating lighter

Let new butterflies tickle the corner of my mouth

I shall look at these roses as a moment in time

A reminder that everything is great in its prime

Yet will die if not nurtured and cherished…

If not treated as richly as their first bloom

Even when the pinks and reds fade

So this…has had its run but I’m ready to let go

Throwing the last flower 6 feet below

As this phase of my life descends to peacefully rest

With this rose, I bid thee Adieu.

Free

I'll actually introduce this one properly...this is about meeting someone after a troublesome series of events where you didn't feel like meeting someone new could ever be THIS easy =)

Free.
Free to be me.
Free to be you.
Free to be we.
Together we can grow without limits and with us it in
Our possibilities are infinite.

We are free to explore
Unopened doors
Untraveled roads
Free to explode inside each other.

Breaking out of this confined box
With meaningless locks and rules on how we should
Do this thing called Newness

We are free to build on the rubble of our troublesome pasts
Hapless attempts at a vibe we find to be effortless

We are free to live and learn from life's lessons
And there no guessing that
We've both been through some messes
Me thinking he was the one when it was only fun
You thinking she was it when it was bullshit

But we are free to be wise and know that
Naivete will not be our demise
Free to realize our lives were placed in this moment
Right on time.
Like an unexpected surprise
You secretly hoped for in the back of your mind.
Like a random act of kindness
When you were at the brink of madness
We are free to redefine happiness

Free to expose our deepest vulnerabilities
And know they will be met with equal insecurities
Because being free is scary
This newness has mystery
And we both have histories
We don't wanna repeat
But we are free to complete each other
In a way no other can compete

Free to support
Free to seek comfort in each other's arms
Like a lost child in a world full of harm
Free to get it right this time.
Free to be wrong sometimes
Free to understand that time is on our side

Free to control this train of refreshed hope
Coping with mistakes we're bound to make
But knowing this strong bond, they will not break

Free to express what was previously suppressed
Resting on no less
Than complete honesty and respect
Blessed to take on ANY critic's test

Free to release ourselves
Break out of the shells
From the virtual hells
We've both fallen victim to...
But this ain't the time to dwell
Because we are finally free
To awaken each other's senses
Like freshly cut lenses
To the visually impaired
We can share this NEW vision
That shall only be hidden
To those with inhibitions

But having limits is not what being free is about...

So let's shout this freedom song
Bringing anyone along
Who wants to travel and unravel themselves
From the packaging of cookie-cutter courtship.

I'm free to admit I don't have all the answers
But I'm willing to take a chance on you
If you'd just take a glance at the beginning I've envisioned
Perhaps add your own lines
May be the best story ever written
Scripted by two beings on a daunting journey to be
Unlimited
And refreshingly
Free.

I Want To...

I want-
I want to tell him that I...
My heart’s been secretly speaking to his for some time now
But won’t allow me
To reveal this fact vocally.
Why have fear of something so great?
Can’t let it get too late before my lips forget how to part.
Where should I start?
These words can never be taken back
Once I break the seal of freedom
My heart is imploding with the anticipation of emotions unheard
Such powerful words
Yet I feel powerless
Slave to my own experiences
Shackled by repeated instances when I was there
And he was not...
And my outgrown vest couldn’t protect me
From the heart-breaking shots of
Silence...
Distance...
And awkward space.

Maybe
Just maybe this time
I won’t have to erase the half-drawn pictures
And start over.
My supplies are getting low
Resources coming in slow
No telling how much more I can go
Before I need help holding my arms up.

Maybe
Just maybe this time
We can go half on the canvas
He bring the paint
I have the brushes
And we can fumble around life’s trials and error
And complete each other
As much as two lost souls can manage.
Slowly lifting the fog of stifling pain
Hopefully some sun is left in us
Make a pretty picture for once

No secret that I am literally scared speechless
Rendered a mute on life’s greatest subject
Foundation of all creations
God’s everlasting gift...
And I can’t share it
Can’t say it
Can’t even write it
Shit!
What can lift this?

If the words reached me first...
Oh my dry, cracked heart has a
Yet to be quenched thirst for the moisturizing relief
That I am more than capable
Of touching his soul
In the same way he erased my resistance to
Being touched at all.

My lips are going to betray me soon...
I can feel it.
I put my all into the goodnight kiss
To stifle it.
Shut it up for as long as I can while I wait...
And wait…
I feel fake not being true
To this unmistakable reality.
Purgery is a crime
And I don’t have much more time on the stand
Before another witness
Unleashes the lines I’ve been trying to mask as undefined
But why?
Everyone knows but him.

I know he feels me...
Baby, please feel me
Hold my hand
And guide me through
While I try to clear up and swim through
This murky existence of the unknown...